原作者：Neil T. Anderson & Steve Goss
Session 11
第十一讲
Relating To Others
与人相处
Focus Verse
重点经文
Matthew 22:37-40: Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
马太福音22章37-40节：耶稣回答说，“你要尽心，尽性，尽意，爱主你的神。这是诫命中的第一，且是最大的。其次也相仿，就是要爱人如己。这两条诫命是律法和先知一切道理的总纲。”
Objective
目标
To understand our roles and responsibilities in relationships so that we can grow together in Christ.
理解在和别人的关系当中我们的作用，以便我们能够在基督里一同成长。
Focus Truth
重点真理
As a disciple of Christ we must assume responsibility for our own character and seek to meet the needs of others than the other way round.
作为基督的门徒，我们必须为我们的性格承担责任，并寻求去满足别人的需要，而不是相反。
Welcome
欢迎
What is the thing that has struck you the most on this course so far?
这个课程中对你震动最大的是什么？
Worship
崇拜
Thank God for other people He has brought into your life.
为了神把其他人带到你的生活中而感谢神。
Word
道
Understanding Grace
理解救恩
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)
“你要尽心，尽性，尽意，爱主你的神。这是诫命中的第一，且是最大的。其次也相仿，就是要爱人如己。这两条诫命是律法和先知一切道理的总纲。” 马太福音22章37-40节：
We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).
我们爱，因为他先爱了我们（约翰一书4章19节）
We give freely because we have received freely (Mathew 10:8)
我们白白地给人，因为我们已经白白地得着了。（马太福音10章8节）
We are merciful because He has been merciful to us (Luke 6:36)
我们慈悲，是因为他对我们慈悲（路加福音 6章36节）
We forgive in the same way that Jesus has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32).
我们饶恕，正如耶稣饶恕了我们（以弗所书4章32节）
We Are Responsible for Our Own Character And Others’ Needs
我们对自己的性格负责并对别人的需要负责
“Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.” (Romans 14:4)
“你是谁，竟论断别人的仆人呢？他或站住，或跌到，自有他的主人在，而且他也必要站住，因为主能使他站住”。（罗马书14 章4 节）
Each person is responsible before God for their own character.
每个人在上帝面前对他们自己的性格负责。
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:3-5).
“做事不可出于个人的野心，也不可贪图虚浮的荣耀。 只要存心谦卑，各人看别人比自己强。你们的态度应该与基督耶稣相同”（腓力比书２ 章３－５节）。
Where we do have a responsibility towards others before God, it is to meet the needs of others.
我们在上帝面前对别人负责任之处，就在于我们有责任满足他人的需要。
Being Aware Of Our Own Sins
认识到我们自己的罪
When we see God for who He is, we don’t become aware of the sin of others, but of our own sin. However, when we are lukewarm in our relationship with God, we tend to overlook our sin and see the sin of others.
当我们认识神的时候，我们不是先看到他人的罪，而是看到我们自己的罪。 然而，当我们和神的关系不冷不热的时候，我们趋向于忽视自己的罪，看到别人的罪。
Focus On Responsibilities Rather Than Rights
注重责任而不是注重权利
In every relationship we have both rights and responsibilities - - but where should we put the emphasis?
在每个关系中我们都有权利又有责任—但我们要把重点放在哪里呢？
Do husbands have a right to expect their wives to be submissive to them? Or do they have a responsibility to love and respect their husbands who in turn have the responsibility of being the head of the home?
丈夫是否有权利期待妻子服从他们？ 还是妻子们有责任爱和尊重她们的丈夫，而丈夫们有责任做家里的首脑？
Do parents have a right to expect their children to be obedient? Or do they have a responsibility to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord, and to discipline them when they are disobedient?
家长有无权利期待孩子顺服父母？ 还是家长有责任教养他们听从神的教诲，并在他们不顺服的时候约束他们？
Does being a member of a local church give you the right to criticize others? Or does it give you a responsibility to submit to those in authority over you and relate to one another with the same love and acceptance we have received from Christ?
成为本地教会的成员让你有权利批评其他人吗？ 还是，这使你有责任顺服管理你的权威，并用从基督那里得来的爱和接纳与别人相处？
When we emphasize our rights above our responsibilities in any relationship we sow the seeds of destruction.
当我们在与人的关系中强调我们的权利超过我们的责任的时候，我们就埋下了毁灭的种子。
Pause for thought 1
思考问题 1
What is your responsibility towards other people?
Why do we have a tendency to judge others and look out for our own needs?
If you find that you are becoming critical of others and unaware of your own sins, what is the problem and what can you do to put it right?
你对别人的责任是什么？ 为什么我们有论断别人而看顾自己需要的倾向? 如果你发现你正在变得对人苛责而没意识到自己的罪，问题何在？你能做什么矫正它？
What about when others do Wrong?
当别人做错时怎么办？
Playing the role of the Holy Spirit in another person’s life won’t work.
在别人的生命中扮演圣灵的作用不会奏效。
Discipline Yes, Judgment No
纪律约束，要；论断，不要
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you ( Matthew 7:1).
不要论断人，免得你们被论断。因为你们怎样论断人，也必被怎样论断；你们用什么量器量给人，也必用什么量器量给你们。（马太福音7章1节）
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. (Galatians 6:1)
弟兄们，如果有人偶然被过犯所胜，你们属灵的人，就当用温柔的心把他挽回来。（加拉太书6章1节）
We are told not to judge, but we are to carry out discipline.
Judgment is always related to character whereas discipline is always related to behavior.
我们受的教导是，不要论断，但要履行我们的责任。论断总是涉及到性格，而纪律总是关系着行为。
Calling somebody “stupid”, “clumsy”, “proud” or “evil” is an attack on their character and it leaves them with no way forward.
称某人“愚蠢”，“笨拙”，“傲慢”，或“邪恶”，是对他性格的攻击，没有给他们留下前进的路。
If you point out someone’s sinful behavior, you are giving them something they can work with: “You are right; what I just said wasn’t true, and I am sorry.”
如果你指出某人有罪的行为，你给了他们能够努力改善的对象：他们可以说：“你是对的，我刚才说的不对，我很抱歉”。
Disciplines And Punishment Are Not The Same
纪律约束与惩罚性质不同
Punishment looks backwards, whereas discipline looks forwards.
God’s discipline is a proof of His love (Hebrews 12:5-11).
The point of discipline is not to punish someone but to help them become more like Jesus.
惩罚是向后看，而纪律是向前看。
上帝的纪律约束是他的爱的证明（希伯来书12 章5-11 节）
纪律约束的要点不是惩罚人，而是帮助人变得更像耶稣。
Pause For Thought 2
思考问题２
Why shouldn’t we be another person’s conscience? What will happen if we try? What is the difference between judgment and discipline? What is the difference between discipline and punishment?
为什么我们不能作别人的良心？ 如果我们那样做，会发生什么？论断和纪律约束之间的区别是什么？纪律约束和惩罚之间的区别是什么？
When we are attacked
当我们受到攻击
“When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate. When he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to Him who judges justly.” (1 Peter 2:23).
“他被骂不还口，受害不说威吓人的话，只将自己交托那按公义审判人的主。”（彼得前书2 章23 节）
If you are wrong, you don’t have a defense. If you are right, you don’t need one. Christ is our defense.
如果你做错了，你没有辩解的理由，如果你做得对，你不需要理由，基督就是我们的辩护。
Authority And Accountability
权威与负责任
Fro which end of this list (top or bottom) did the Lord first come to you?
上帝是从这个清单的哪一边初次来到你身边？
Authority
Accountability
Affirmation
Acceptance
权威，责任，肯定，接纳。
“While we were still sinners, Christ dies for us” (Romans 5:8).
“当我们还做罪人的时候，基督就为我们而死”（罗马书5 章8 节）
Acceptance came first, and then the affirmation: “The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children” (Romans 8:16).
接纳是第一步，然后是肯定：“圣灵与我们的心同证我们是神的儿女”（罗马书，8章16节）
If authority figures demand accountability without giving affirmation and acceptance, they will never get it.
如果权威人物在没有给与我们接纳和肯定之前就要求我们负责，他们永不会达到目的。
Should We Express Our Needs?
我们应该表达我们的需要吗？
If we have needs in a relationship that are not being met, it is important that we let people know what they are. However, a need must be started as a need, and not a judgment.
如果在一个人际关系中我们的需要未得满足，我们要让别人知道这些需要是什么，这很重要。 然而，需要必须是需要而已，不是论断。
Pause For Thought 3
思考问题3
Should we be defensive if someone attacks our character? Why or why not? Have you experienced a time when authority figures demanded accountability without first affirming and accepting you? How did you respond to them? How will knowing this affect what you do as a parent or in your church? What needs do we all have? How can we share a need without it backfiring on us?
如果有人攻击我们的性格，我们该辩解么？该或不该为什么？你是否曾经有过这样的经历：有权的人物没有先给你接纳和肯定却要你负责任？ 你对他们做何反应？ 了解这一点对于你做一名家长和你在教会的作用有何影响？ 我们都有什么样的需要？我们如何能共享一种需要而不造成引火烧身的后果？
One Of Life’s Little Secret
生命的一个小秘密
Every one of us needs to be loved, accepted and affirmed.
我们每个人都需要被爱，被接受，被肯定。
Jesus said: “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). We cannot sincerely help somebody else without helping ourselves in the process.
耶稣说：“施比受有福”（使徒行传20章35节）。如果我们诚挚地帮助别人，我们自己也必同时得到帮助。
“Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be pored into your lap. For with the measure yu use, it will be measured to you.”(Luke 6:38)
“你们要给人， 就必有给你们的， 并且用十足的升斗，连摇带按，上尖下流地倒在你们怀里；因为你们用什么量器量给人，也必用什么量器量给你们”(路加福音6章38节)。
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway.
有些人是没有理智，没有逻辑，自我中心的；尽管如此，去爱他们。
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
如果你做好事，有人会指责你自私，动机不纯；尽管如此，去做好事。
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
如果你成功，你会赢来假的朋友，真的敌人；尽管如此，还是要成功。
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
今天你做的好事，明天就会被人忘记；尽管如此，还是要作好事。
Honesty and Frankness makes you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
诚实和坦率使你易受攻击；尽管如此，要继续诚实坦率。
The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
有伟大思想的伟大的人可能载在有小主意的小人手中；尽管如此，还是要有伟大的思想。
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for the underdog anyway.
人们同情失败者但跟随胜利者；尽管如此，还是要为失败者而战。
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
你花好多年建立的东西，有可能在一夜之间被毁；尽管如此，还是要建立。
Give the world the best you’ve got and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
把你最好的给与这个世界，而你有可能被彻底抛弃；尽管如此，还是要把你最好的给与这个世界。
Witness
见证
Being a positive witness is directly related to our capacity to love others. How can you be a good neighbor to those who live on your street, i.e., how can you love your neighbor as yourself? What needs do they have that you could help to meet? How could you get to know them better, so that you would have a better idea of what their needs are? What needs do we all have?
成为一个积极的见证人，与我们有没有爱别人的能力直接相关。 你如何能够成为和你同住一条街的人的好邻居，或者说， 你如何能够爱邻居如同爱自己？他们有什么需要你可以帮助满足？你如何能更好地了解他们， 以便你更多知道他们需要什么？ 我们共有的是需要是什么？
Questions for Groups
给各组的问题
1. What is our responsibility towards other people?
1．我们对别人负有什么责任？
2. Why do we have a tendency to judge others and look out for our own needs?
2．为什么我们有论断人而不是看顾他们需求的倾向？
3. If you find that you are becoming critical of others and unaware of your own sins, what is the problem and what can you do to put it right?
3．如果你发现自己正变得对人苛责，却没有意识到自己的罪，问题何在？你如何做能纠正它？
4. Why shouldn’t we be another person’s conscience? What will happen if we try?
4．为什么我们不应该成为另一个人的良心？如果我们这样做，会发生什么？
5. What happens if we emphasize rights over responsibilities?
5．如果我们强调自己的权利过于自己的责任，会怎样？
6. What is the difference between judgment and discipline? What is the difference between discipline and punishment?
6．论断和纪律约束之间的区别是什么？ 纪律约束和惩罚之间的区别是什么？
7. Should we be defensive if someone attacks our character? Why or why not?
7．如果别人攻击我们的性格，我们应该辩解吗？为什么/为什么不？
8. Have you experienced a time when authority figures demanded accountability without first affirming and accepting you? How did you respond to them? How will knowing this affect what you do as a parent or in your church?
8．你有没有经历过这样的情况：有权者没有首先肯定和接受你， 却要求你负责任？ 你对他们如何反应？了解这一点对于你做家长或者在你的教会里的作用有什么影响？
9. What needs do we all have? How can we share a need without it backfiring on us?
9．我们都有的是什么需求？我们如何能共享一种需求而不会引火烧身？
To take away
带回家的问题
Suggestions For Your Quiet Times This Week:
建议你在本周安静的时间作以下事情：
Read Luke 6:27-41. This session may have convicted you of the need to relate differently to your family, friends and neighbors. You might want to seek the forgiveness of others. If you sense the Lord’s conviction, then go to that person or persons and ask their forgiveness, stating clearly that what you have done is wrong. (Don’t do this by letter or email – it might be misunderstood or used against you.)
阅读路加福音6章27-41节。 这一课可能会使你思想你需要与你的家人朋友和邻居有不同的相处方法。你可能会寻求别人宽恕你，如果你感受到上帝的指责，就去向那个人或那些人请求他们的宽恕，明确地说明你做错了什么事。（不要用写信或电子邮件的方式- 免得有误解或者被人误用来攻击你）
Big Questions (to consider before the next session):
思考问题（下一课之前思考）：
What are your goals for the rest of your life? How can you know if they are consistent with God’s will?
未来的时间里你生命的目标是什么？你如何能知道这些目标是否与神的旨意一致？
约翰福音8章32节：你们必认识真理，真理必叫你们得自由。
